We move on from this and some of us seek a larger comforter. An idol. Whoever they are, whether a deity or a human role model , they will ultimately pale in comparison to the dream of them we create in our minds. This inside fantasy of perfection that crashes against the shore of reality.
Where do you go when you have gone through the ebb and flow of hope? Where do you go when you move from a despair as a young adult that this world truly is as cruel and as shitty as the creeping idea on the edges suggests? Then you think you have stumbled on a secret. That God is real and there is purpose in this Universe. But that delusion also fades.
You are alone walking amongst the happily distracted and the true believers. All are distracted in their delusions. Whatever the delusion is. God, sex, success, admiration, family. All these floating, shimmering pieces of distraction. This nightmare remains. This knowledge of our insignificance. The urge to run from the abyss is overwhelming. To distract with alcohol, drugs, change of perception because this perception is too cruel because it is indifferent. It doesn't care. This machine does not communicate. This abyss doesn't stare into us as there is nothing conscious on the other side of it. One big fucking dice rolling, spinning and falling where gravity pulls it down. Order and chaos.
The idea of non- existence terrifies from this side of it. While alive, it is the worst scenario. When non-existent, you wont care.
We are just a thin ribbon of a rainbow between two infinite black voids of non-existence.
How do you turn the thoughts off. Once you stare into this abyss and realise this is it, where do you go? What do you do? It is like a out of focus black hole swirling in the background on a sunny day, lush green grass in the fore.
Where do you go?
